nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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