one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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