Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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