I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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