Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
