is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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