that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
