we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
