If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
