just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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