You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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