I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
