the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
