Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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