everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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