I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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