There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
