My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
