I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
