My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
