The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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