Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
