i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
