oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
