if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
