Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
