Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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