She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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