I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
