wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
