The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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