meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
