Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
