my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
