i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Small penises have feelings too.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
