Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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