So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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