So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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