there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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