She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
being pregnant is like rehab
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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