I feel great
I just peed on a car
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
did i walk over a car last night?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
