Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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