Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
