Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
