I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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