You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
