Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
