I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
