Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
