I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
