Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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