Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
