hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
two words...techno handjob
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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