Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
