I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
